The Viktor Wilt Show

In today’s episode, Viktor Wilt descends into a technicolor mental labyrinth where dream logic and real-life grievances fuse into a radio-fueled fever hallucination. It begins with him realizing, with the confidence of a man who’s seen the end times, that it is only Tuesday — a revelation so spiritually devastating it triggers a saga of dreams featuring Asking Alexandria trashing his imaginary glass-box bathroom in the middle of the living room while pro wrestlers and horror icons loom nearby like bored demigods waiting to take selfies. His subconscious immediately fires him from his job for “having a bad attitude,” which somehow forces him to keep working anyway while dream-Starr marches around fully bald and deeply judgmental.

From there, Viktor ricochets into a full-blown manifesto on optional life tasks: declining invitations without inventing a 3-act alibi, ignoring doorbells like they’re demonic summons, using the “good china” because life is meaningless, and choosing Thanksgiving pizza over ancestral turkey trauma. He spirals through a therapeutic rant about dropping toxic people, ditching pointless meetings, and calling in sick because your brain turned into a hot, simmering soup. Every example threatens to send his blood pressure into the stratosphere, but don’t worry — he’s also trying not to have a meltdown today. Unsuccessfully.

Peaches joins the chaos just in time to discuss a French man who found $800,000 in gold in his backyard and was promptly told to give it back, leading Viktor to offer the extremely ethical advice to never tell anyone if you dig treasure up — just quietly pawn it off like a gremlin. This transitions beautifully (and by beautifully we mean lawlessly) into diamond rants, divorce advice, lab-grown gem evangelism, and a gentle reminder that the plasma industry is basically a medieval blood bazaar with swipeable debit cards.

Then things get airborne — literally — when Viktor gleefully reports on a pilot who had to emergency-land after a mushroom-fueled, 40-hours-no-sleep mental decline, which Peaches helpfully points out might not be ideal for someone flying a steel bird full of humans. Viktor admits that he himself hates flying, mainly because everyone involved might be unhinged. Moments later, Crazy Jay calls in to report he once stayed awake for four days straight, confirming Viktor’s suspicion that half his listeners are running on zero sleep and pure cursed energy.

Just when you think the episode can’t get any more feral, Viktor leaps into the Christmas Blood War™ — an ecstatic, chest-thumping tirade about how Classy97’s Christmas playlist is a precision-engineered masterpiece of holiday supremacy, while a rival station (run by a man who inexplicably blocked Viktor on social media like a cowardly elf) launched their Christmas music early in an act of sheer embarassment. Viktor responds by declaring himself and Josh the Kings of Christmas, exiling the rival programmer from the Holiday Kingdom and promising that Classy’s playlist is so superior it will spiritually cleanse your home and possibly fix your heating bill.

Finally, after denouncing lottery winners, rejoicing in listener insomnia, ranking local stations, ranting about Ozempic, and recalling video AIs that turned him into a dripping burger demon, Viktor attempts to bring the show back into reality — but at this point reality has fled the building.

The episode ends exactly the way any Viktor Wilt episode should: with him fully convinced he’s destroying both his rivals and his blood pressure in equal measure, Peaches feeding him chaos like a gremlin tossing gasoline into a bonfire, and Christmas music looming like a radioactive mist over Idaho.