The Viktor Wilt Show

Speaker 1: The noon hour of madness and mayhem podcast.

Speaker 2: Yo, it's the noon hour of madness and mayhem Monday boo. Damn with Monday. It's just the day of the week. Boo! Boo! So what's on your mind, Peaches?

Speaker 1: Over the weekend, I was talking with my friend Dan about uh who could like play us in a movie?

Speaker 3: Like who could realistically play either me or him in a movie? So I asked Chad GPT. I gave Chad three different pictures of Dan. I gave him a close-up. Okay.

And two other ones that have him smiling, different angles and such. Okay. And it gave me a whole bunch of different actors form and everything. So then I said, who could play me in a movie?

Speaker 2: Did you describe your size?

Speaker 3: I thought it already knows how tall and wide I am and everything. And I gave it five different pictures. I mean, obviously, it's gonna see this picture of me and Victor, I mean you, and go, Yeah, uh, yeah. Yeah, this is definitely a bigger dude. And so it said, Oh, you are a different casting problem than Dan.

Looking across all five photos, the big things an actor would need to sell are the bald head, very full beard, broad face, large frame, light complexion, and the fact that you can go from intimidating looking to a giant goofy smile at about half a second. Okay. So the gold medal option here. Okay, David Harbour.

Speaker 2: Okay, let me David really the guy who played. The guy from Stranger Things.

Speaker 3: And also uh Heck Boy.

Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, he did. He did play Heck Boy. Oh, Violet Knight as well.

Speaker 2: Okay. I mean, I wouldn't have thought of David Harbour, but okay. All right, what other options did it give you?

Speaker 3: I think this is the guy from uh Hot Fuzz, Nick Frost.

Speaker 2: Nick Frost.

Speaker 3: And I didn't like this option because it's a big fat British dude.

Speaker 2: Oh, okay. See, he I think would pull it off better than David Harbour. You know, just because he's because he's the ugliest dude, yeah.

Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he's ugly and he's fat on Paiches, isn't it? But he's only five foot seven.

Speaker 3: Yeah, so it ain't gonna work. No actor is gonna portray me in anything.

Speaker 2: It ain't gonna work. You need the big show.

Speaker 3: Uh Michael Chickless. Michael Chickless.

Speaker 2: Haha, can't get a date. Okay, hold on. I'm gonna he's chickless. That was bad. okay. That guy from what the shield? Is that what that shell was? I don't know. It doesn't say his height on here, but I don't know. He might be a little too old, I think.

Speaker 3: Uh I think it did say older me is Michael Chickless. Oh, okay. Uh Zach McGowan was the fourth option.

Speaker 2: Zach McGowan is also an option for Dan too. So I'm assuming it just sees the beard and goes Zach McGowan. Yeah, because that guy doesn't look anything like you at all.

Speaker 3: But then option five. Okay. The most obvious option. Uh uh it says here the big show. Dave Batista. Let's go!

Speaker 2: Okay, all right, all right, all right. Dave Batista. I I think I could see him pull it off. And what a weird dude that dude is. Because you know, he started off what? WWE?

Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, he was a he was my one of my favorite wrestlers.

Speaker 2: Or was he uh MMA?

Speaker 3: No, he's easy. He's he was bodybuilding first, then WWE. Okay, and then became the actor, lost all the muscle because you know he's in his mid-50s. Yeah, when you're six foot five, three hundred and twenty pounds, it's gonna do some damage to your heart because it's so much body that's so much muscle that guy's trying to carry.

Oh, yeah. So he became very skinny and people were worried. It's like, no, the guy's just taking care of himself. And uh it says physically, he's the obvious Hollywood option, although he's considerably more muscular than you.

If the movie version of you is supposed to be the enormous guy who walks into a room and everybody notices Batista makes sense. Now, number six. Oh, there's there's more the final one. Okay, the final one. Brendan Frasier.

Speaker 2: Brendan Fraser, what's the one?

Speaker 3: You better not say the whale.

Speaker 2: I want you to write how you feel. I'm in a chair the entire time.

Speaker 3: So I I also asked it for Maddie. I was like, hey, who could play Maddie? Okay. And it was giving me all these like it gave me these uh let's see here. Where I need to scroll all the way down because I asked it a whole for a whole bunch of people. Oh, where'd it go?

Was my am I on the wrong thread here? Anyway, yeah, it gave me like Mia Goth and like that big eye, the big eyed girl from Fallout. Okay. Um I'm trying to think if I

Speaker 2: had to pick somebody to play Maddie.

Speaker 3: She Sophie, so there's a girl from the movie it, Sophia Lillis, that I feel like could fit.

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I could see that.

Speaker 3: Number two is Macy Williams, and I was like, eh.

Speaker 2: Okay, from Game of Thrones. Actually, the eyes aren't blue enough. Yeah.

Speaker 3: But the number one option is attitude-wise, yeah, she could fit.

Speaker 3: The number one option it gave me was Thomas and McKinsley. Is that how you say it? Thomas and McKenzie. And honestly, with this picture alone, I was like, that has to be Maddie. Okay.

Speaker 2: I I just pulled her up. I wasn't uh familiar with who she was, but looking at a few pictures, uh, I think she'd be a pretty good one for sure. So you didn't do this to me, though. I was going to do it this hour. Oh, okay. Well, maybe you can do it while I talk about my story that uh upset a few people over the week.

Speaker 3: Oh, this was so funny. So funny.

Speaker 2: Um, it was a good time. So we'll get into that after a couple more songs. It's the noon hour of madness and mayhem. Y'all just hang on. This is the noon hour of madness and mayhem. I am Victor.

Speaker 3: I'm Peaches. I mean, I'm David Harbour.

Speaker 2: He's David Harbour. That's right. We're gonna find out who I am later on the show. Right now, I wanted to talk about a Facebook post I made over the weekend that I knew there was a potential that a couple people would get mad about it, but it was funny and obvious enough to me that it was fake that I'm like, okay, people might at first go, what the heck, but then they'll laugh, which is for the most part how it worked out. But there were a few people who did not enjoy my Facebook post. Let's see, one woman called me a pig. I think that lady's name was Kim.

Yeah, let me see if the comments are still there. Um, Okay, Becca was trolling with I can't believe you did that to poor Mills. Uh, but she was trolling. Somebody called me a hoser.

But let's see, where where were the angry ones? Oh, not coo. Not cu. And it looks like you're a pig might have went away. I don't know. So, what this video is, and this was Becca's idea one day. We're out filling up Millie's little plastic swimming pool. Little pool we got for the dog so she can stay cool in these uh hot months.

So I'm filling it up with the hose, okay? But from the angle we're at, Becca made a video that said Victor peeing on her dog because it was just gonna be me, you know, supposedly looking like I'm peeing in the pool. But Millie runs up and just bites at the stream, you know, because she likes water from the hose. So it does at the very beginning look like I peed on the dog, but it's not real, and you can see the hose between my legs, and then the stream gets stronger and stronger till it's just spraying everywhere. Clearly not real.

Speaker 3: People who are just now tuning in and just hearing that.

Speaker 2: And then at the end of the video, I turn and I'm holding the hose with the sprayer, so you can clearly see it's fake. But I still got called a pig, and oh man, dude, TikTok throttled that video bad. I thought it was gonna do really good on TikTok because it blew up on Facebook fast as far as views go, but TikTok did not like it. It got like no views last I checked. And I thought it was like great for TikTok, but I think a lot of people only watch the first 10 seconds and are like, this guy is disgusting. Well, and I guess I shouldn't have posted the caption. This is what I think about dogs, and then make the video.

Speaker 3: So it was funny is that I was I was here on Friday when you and Becca called me telling me about the comments on this video. Yeah, so then I had to chime in and basically like I tagged Pita and said, What do you think of this? And did they write back? I got four laugh reacts, and that was it.

Oh, okay. And people, of course, got the joke, but yeah, I can't believe that Lady Kim was like, 'You're a pig.' And then I took her one of her profile pictures and AI'd you in there, like sprained her with the hose.

Speaker 2: the hose. Oh, spraying her with the hose.

Speaker 3: And I said, watch out, Kim. He's gonna get you next. And she never responded to me. She only responded to Becca, who was like going back and forth with her. Same with that Christie lady. And now Kim and Christy are both names that are way worse than Karen. Especially Kim. Kim is in the Kim is the mount is on the Mount Rushmore of like, oh, you know, you're gonna get a complaint, maybe. You're gonna get some outrage.

Speaker 2: Well, Kim and Christy, we want you back as listeners. The video wasn't real. It's a hose. You got Kim, Pam, Teresa.

Speaker 3: And I don't know if it's Christy or what what's another name that's like uh oh, Tammy. Tammy's the awful. Peaches and his hated names.

Speaker 2: Always very funny. So, yes, I just wanted to let everybody know if you saw that video going around on Facebook or wherever. I did not do what the video says. It's

a hoes. Learn to laugh, everybody. Learn to chuckle a bit. I love animals. I would not do, let alone, I mean, I wouldn't be in my backyard just letting go in the pool. Right? Forget the forget the dog.

Speaker 3: So me and Becca were adding comments too, going like, well, you should have seen him at Pet Smart. He was doing something else to the hamsters, like This whole thing.

Speaker 2: It's the noon hour of Madness and Mayhem. Earlier on the show, Peaches had asked ChatGPT, what celebrity could play him and what celebrity could play Maddie in a movie about us. The Peaches uh actors that came up. Some of them were a little bit weird. But some of them, you know, were okay.

Speaker 3: You know that big fat guy from Hot Fuzz, the British one that you're like, oh, that could fit. I think that fits Jeff.

Speaker 2: Oh, he does look a lot like Jeff. Yeah. Like facial like uh features and things like that.

Speaker 3: And I don't want to be mean to Jeff, but that that that actor and Chumley are like the two best options, I feel like.

Speaker 2: Don't tell me ChatGPT said that Chumley should play me.

Speaker 3: No, uh, Chat GPT said, my strongest overall match for you is Michael Rooker.

Speaker 2: Michael Rooker. Okay, let me Google this guy up here.

Speaker 3: Says this is the one where I'd say, okay, I can see Victor immediately. There's something about the combination of the bald head, eyes, facial structure, and goatee that makes Rooker particularly convincing. Do you know who Michael Rooker is?

Speaker 2: Google him up. He's he's like, he's always a bad guy. He's to me weird like that that's a different I think that's a different guy. Yeah, the guy from like Guardians of the Galaxy who's blue. Isn't that Michael Rooker? I thought that was Batista. No, I think he's a different color. He's like uh red or something. So anyway, this guy always plays a bad guy. He's much older than me, and he's weird looking. All right, whatever. So number two, Zach Galifanakis. Oh, it's all gonna be wacky weird looking.

Speaker 3: And then threat number three, it also gave you Batista.

Speaker 2: Batista for me? Yeah, huh? I think ChatGPT lacking a bit in the imagination department.

Speaker 3: But then it said, you know what? Number four, Nick Oferman.

Speaker 2: All right, all right. I like it. He kind of looks like Zach Galafanakis. But then this one was weird.

Speaker 3: I thought this one was a little odd. Walton Goggins.

Speaker 2: Walton God, that doesn't make any sense at all.

Speaker 3: But then I said, no Paul Giamatti to it.

Speaker 2: They said, oh, Paul Giamatti absolutely belongs on this list. And it says Paul Giamatti at number one, 9.5 out of 10, then Michael Rooker, then Zach Yalafanakis.

Speaker 3: And so then I said, what about this weird guy by the name of Jade Davis? And I gave it this picture.

Speaker 2: Oh, you gave it the uh Moochie Daddy picture. With this one, and that one.

Speaker 3: And of course, him with the hat. Okay. Now I've always said Jay Davis, the actor who plays Boris the Animal has to play him. Boris the animal. All right, let me Google that up here. Because you know Jay likes to dye his beard, everything. Yeah.

Speaker 2: I mean, I think with the hat, he's got a Cody Jean slick going on. Oh, Boris the Animal from Men in Black. Yeah. Kind of got a macho man Randy Savage look too. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. All right, I can see that.

Speaker 3: But I think what Chad GPT gave me, at first I thought it was a guy from the 1800s. Christopher Hayer doll.

Speaker 2: Christopher Hayer doll. I don't even know how you spell that name. There we go. Hayer doll. All right. You put the long beard on. He's very uh skinny looking. What have I seen this? I've seen him in movies. Yeah. You put the long black beard on him. Um I could see that. I could see that.

Speaker 3: Then it gave me uh Rory McCann.

Speaker 2: Rory McCann. I'm not very steeped in pop culture, am I? Okay. The mountain? Isn't that who that guy is?

Speaker 3: No, the mountain from Game of Thrones is half your Bjornsson, the strong mountain.

Speaker 2: Oh, no, okay. He's the not the mountain. He's the call him the hound. What the heck's his name in Game of Thrones? Jeez.

Speaker 3: I'm sure if you Google search Rory McCann, you can see his filmography right there.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Um The Hound is what they call him. That's right. But then it also gave Zach way too big to be Jade.

Speaker 3: It gave Zach McGowan again for a younger Jade.

Speaker 2: Again, ChatGPT with the uh lack of imagination there.

Speaker 3: But then it said Michael Wincott.

Speaker 2: Okay, that guy looks pretty old. Um so does Jade. Yeah. And then you gotta see him with the beer.

Speaker 3: Yeah, number five is definitely it's just says Nick Overman again.

Speaker 2: Okay. Yeah, chat GPT. Can't come up with much, right?

Speaker 3: So it said you, Paul Giamatti, Jade Christopher Hire doll, and then me, David Harbour. So I'll probably I'll post these in the uh the K-bear group and see what the uh the listeners think.

Speaker 2: Yeah, listeners, post pictures that you think are more like us. Find some funny ones.

Speaker 3: I'm sure they're probably gonna choose the guy who plays Kingpin for Peaches. Guy who plays Kingpin. Or the bald dude from uh Dune.

Speaker 2: That one guy we brought up that's in the black sledge.

Speaker 3: Yeah. The guy who plays sloth from the Goonies, choose that guy, even though he's dead. Uh who else is there? Just any big bald almost said a bad word. Any

big bald fat guy, you know, pretty much. I think that's what I that's what I was uh getting uh quite a lot before. I was like, oh, I saw your doppelganger peaches, and I'm sure it was like the guy who looks like Luke Combs. Yeah, cast him as me in the movie.

Speaker 2: This is the noon hour of madness, mayhem. Desperation calls, dating advice it is. All right. Um I haven't found that post again yet, Peaches. It was one we looked at last week. What was the uh title of that?

Speaker 3: Uh am I crazy or 80% of people undateable and nobody wants to admit it. Okay.

Speaker 2: 80% undateable. All right. Um now, are they saying when they're undateable, like these people just will not date you, or that they're not worth dating? 80%.

Speaker 3: This guy says, uh, well, this the username is good girl1273232. Okay. Um, I'm tired of the endless, just put yourself out there advice. After years of dating apps, real life attempts, and watching friends go through the same cycle. I've come to a blunt conclusion, most people are undateable. Actually,

undatable. I'd put the number around 80%. So they go on to say, here's what I mean. Personal hygiene that could qualify as a biohazard. They smell like a rotting garbage can full of vomit and dead animals because they don't wash their downstairs area or their butt.

Speaker 2: We've learned that that's true.

Speaker 3: Uh, they barely shower, haven't touched floss or a toothbrush in weeks. You can practically taste taste the neglect from across the table. Plaqued out teeth and well, certain uh marks in uh in the drawers there. Yeah, uh zero emotional regulation, one small disagreement, and it's either stonewalling, exploding, or disappearing for three days.

Speaker 2: You're telling me no like water chestnuts. I'm out of here. I will not stand for this.

Speaker 3: No self-awareness. They will describe themselves as loyal and low drama while having three situationships in a history of cheating.

Speaker 2: Yeah, um she might be onto something here, Peaches.

Speaker 3: Immediately transparent about wanting uh, you know, a certain something. Or money, but so awkward and unskilled they can't even pull it off smoothly. Many young people are getting advice from influencers who hate the opposite gender or are you know certain types of uh online workers, you know what I mean? Yeah, and pushing their sugar baby advice as normal dating advice.

Speaker 2: Well, what I've said for years is as you get older, I think the way people look at dating changes, and the priorities of what they're looking for in a partner drastically change. They want to find somebody who's uh stable, yeah. They

they you know, find find somebody who's stable, find somebody who's nice to them, uh, you know, is funny, fun to be around. There's no high school popularity clicks when you get that out of high school.

Speaker 3: I was talking about it with my friend Zach, because there's a girl I've known since uh elementary school, and actually like preschool. I've known her my entire life, and she's had a history of dating like the entire football team. Yeah. And she's now dating some other guy. I'm like, dude, I can't imagine. Like uh, like she's settling for this guy.

Speaker 2: Like I wouldn't say it's settling. Of all the dudes on the football team that she got with. It's like, oh, magically she's with some guy that it looks completely

Speaker 3: different from all the guys that she was previously with.

Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Well, she probably, as she got older, realized, oh, I need somebody uh who's going to have a gonna have a good personality and treat me nice, not just is popular because they're on the football team.

Speaker 3: And a lot of those dudes good on the football team. They peaked in high school.

Speaker 2: They didn't go anywhere. No, I I love bumping into people from high school, especially when I can't recognize them. And then you like gotta really think back, and you're like, oh yeah, yeah, you were that guy on the basketball team. Man, you got fat, buddy.

Speaker 3: It was really bad. We did something like that recently. We had to glow up or glow down. I mean, my friend Christian pulls out the yearbook picture, are the yearbook pictures of different people, and then we looked up their Instagram, but whoa!

Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. There can be a very big difference for both men and women. Oh, yeah, you know, very big difference. So find somebody who's uh who's good to you and things like that. You know, that that's what's important that you're able to get along. You like being around each other. You you have to be attracted to each other. There has to be physical attraction, but it's not like you know, everyone needs to be just beautiful, you know. Like, just find somebody that you're attracted to and you like them for a lot of reasons, and it's gonna work out pretty good. If you only go after looks, you'll probably get be getting hooked up with somebody who's you know, snooty, stuck up, um, maybe way too high of expectation. Who knows? Who

knows? But uh it is hard to find somebody, but you gotta like she was saying, put yourself out there. You you do need to do that, and maybe she's doing it at the wrong places. You know, I I don't know, because I don't date.

Speaker 3: So don't look at me, I'm in the shadows.

Speaker 2: I uh I don't know what the best route to take is is to try to find somebody. That just always seems to just kind of fall into place. You know, I'm I'm not necessarily on the hunt, it just happens. Oh no.

Speaker 3: Victor's in the trees. I see a cougar. Creeping in the trees. There was There was one time my friends and I years ago uh went to a cougar bar because my friend Zach wanted to go. And one of the ladies in there with like in her 50s was say said something like, You can't be in here unless you're like over 27. And Zach just goes, I'm 35 now. And he said the two words I can't repeat on the air. He

just told the lady to get a scram. Yeah. We're just talking we were reminiscent about the wild days of the early 20s, and now well, in in uh 19 days, I'll be 30.

Speaker 2: Getting old, Peaches, about to go over the hill. Over the hill, geez. Isn't that 50? 50 over the hill.

Speaker 3: I don't know. I know like the average lifespan of a man is 76, so you're 36 years away. Yeah or 34.

Speaker 2: I'm pretty much dead. So you know.

Speaker 3: What a way to end the noon hour. Hey, most people are undateable, and Victor's about to die.

Speaker 2: Yeah, if I'm not in tomorrow, dead. I'll take over the morning show. Okay. Thanks, Pete.

Speaker 1: The noon hour of Madness M is a production of River Band Media Group. For more information or to contact the show, visit Riverband Media Group.com.