Traffic School - Fake Licenses and the Highway to Pink Floyd Heaven - 10/10/2025
This episode of Traffic School was a roadside circus where microphones shocked the hosts, callers devolved into improv comics, and Lieutenant Crain somehow held the line between lawful order and complete anarchy. The show opens mid-meltdown: cables tangling like a python attack while someone screams “THE COPS ARE HERE!” as if they were broadcasting live from a hostage situation instead of a radio booth. Once the studio stops electrocuting everyone, callers pour in like characters from a fever dream — Crazy Jay asks if cops ever handcuff themselves (which absolutely means one of them has), and Lieutenant Crain threatens to test the theory on air. Then comes the CDL conspiracy caller, worried about fake truckers barreling through Idaho like Mad Max extras, and before anyone can calm down, they’re ranting about Facebook algorithms, office chairs that eat your soul, and the metaphysical difference between “the country” and the country.
By mid-show, it mutates into a bizarre town hall featuring Pink Floyd superstition (“You’ll never get pulled over if you’re vibing to Dark Side of the Moon”), a discussion about banning truck nuts, and Victor contemplating government reform because “nobody does homework before voting.” A caller asks about RV laws, sparking a philosophical crisis about why you can drive a 30,000-pound murder wagon with zero training, and Lieutenant Crain immediately volunteers to stir up chaos by introducing her to Victor “just to watch them go off.” Then there’s Crazy Carl — local legend, accidental philanthropist, and professional trouble magnet — promoting a “Toys for Tots” event that happens “every three years because that’s plenty of Christmas.” The crew spends ten minutes roasting parade candy and debating whether Bud Light counts as a trick-or-treat item.
By the final stretch, the show dissolves into full small-town surrealism: callers hypothetically confess to incest, Crain confesses to watching kids weave in and out of traffic while another trooper writes window-paint citations, and everyone laughs like they’ve been trapped in a traffic safety Twilight Zone for too long. When the dust settles, you’re not sure if you learned a single thing about Idaho law — but you definitely learned how to survive a live broadcast powered by caffeine, malfunctioning microphones, and the unfiltered chaos of humanity.
